Preparing for Delivery

Like many expecting fathers, I signed up for email alerts from What to Expect. These alerts are based on my wife’s due date and inform me about the baby’s development and other pregnancy related information. With our first child I read these emails everyday. Many days I would read them twice to make sure nothing changed! This time around, since I’m now a pro, I don’t read them everyday but I do try to read the ones that catch my eye. The feature article in today’s email titled “Packing for the Hospital” definitely caught my eye.

"We must be prepared to face our responsibilities and be willing to use force if necessary." ~ Dick Cheney

Obviously, the editors at What to Expect didn’t read my recent 3 Little Birds post about having plenty of time left to prepare for the baby!  

"If you fail to prepare, you've prepared to fail." ~ Mark Spitz

Within the article was a list of items they recommend assembling now to be best prepared for the big day.  While I still think we have plenty of time, I decided to review the list.  After reading, I felt more their list wasn't very helpful.  Sure the items contained in the list were helpful but most, if not all, of the items were centered around the needs of the birthing lady and nothing for the fella.  In my opinion, if the hospital doesn't have it the patient doesn't need it.  The person who needs a bag of stuff is the guy!  Below is a list of items no father-to-be should be caught without at the hospital.

"It is well to be prepared for life as it is, but it is better to be prepared to make life better than it is." ~ Sargent Shriver

Man’s Birthing Bag Contents:

• Notebook and Pen: You may need to write stuff down... like how to get to the cafeteria.
• Stopwatch: Not for monitoring contractions, but for playing the How Long Have My Eyes Been Closed game.  If you’ve never played before I highly recommend this gem.  It is very simple.  Close your eyes, start stopwatch, open and stop timer at same time, before looking at the timer guess how long your eyes were closed, then check the timer.  (This game is also great for passing time at work or the DMV.)  
• Massage Oils: In case your lady wants/needs to distract herself from the pain of childbirth by giving you a massage.  It’s better to be prepared then to settle for a dry hospital hand massage.
• Oddly Flavored Beef Jerky: The odder the better.  That way your lady won’t ask to eat any.  The hospital will give her food if she needs it but they only give the guy directions.
• A Toy: The toy needs to be small and quiet.  It’s best that your lady not know about the toy.  If it is too much fun she may not want you to play with it or worse... take it for herself!
• Clean Underwear: Always a good thing to have around.  No one has ever said... “I wish I didn't have that extra pair of clean underwear.”
• Any Random Girly Thing: In the event that your lady questions what you are doing or why you got her pregnant, calmly look into your bag, shuffle some items around, then pull out the girly item and ask her if the item would be helpful.  It is best if the item is not sharp or hard.  This is because if you present the item incorrectly it may be thrown back at you!